One of the things you sometimes hear a person say is there is no rule book for parenting. Of course there are tons of books to read on what your child should do and when they should do it. But are those books really right? What if you're not on the right chapter yet and your child does something? There's no time to stay STOP I haven't read about this yet.
Then there are those of us who parent children we did not carry in our womb. Does that still make us their parent? Of course it does. But it can at times make things alittle harder. There's no book on how to get threw it step by step. Every situation is different. Every child is different. Every parent is different as well. Some of us react to things in different ways.
We can only do the best we can. We hope in the end we've taught our children something and not harmed them for life! We hope they grow to have good morals and value. I also want my children to have big dreams. Happy lives!
We had a small issue lastnight where Jade got in trouble for pulling Abby's hair. Of course Danny was out running an errand and I had to be in charge of the situation. When Jade gets in trouble that's when she gets upset and cried. Well all I said was not to do it again and that she was supposed to be cleaning her room, not pulling Abby's hair. She freaked out! Like something I have never seen before and stormed up the steps and screamed. We all get upset. We all handle it differently. But for the few words I told her I felt she over reacted and there had to be more to why she was upset.
I called her back and asked her what was wrong. Of course she said nothing. So after asking a few times and demanding she tell me what was wrong she tells me she missed her mom. Now I could have been a smart a*s and said "I am right here silly" but I knew who she ment. Of course like I mentioned before we can't just say STOP I am not ready for this converstaion. I needed to be in charge of the situation! I love being in charge... ok not always.
I knew it all came back to cleaning her room. She didn't want to clean it. So I explained to her that its ok to miss her. I told her I understood she would miss her alot but we need to talk about it and not get so upset. Then I did what I didn't really want to do but I had to be honest with her. I had to say, "Jade did your other mom ever make you clean your room"? She said really quietly "yes". I had to explain that even if her mom was still living with her she would make her clean her room.
Then of course after its over you review it in your head over and over again and you wonder if you said the right thing. But again we can only be the best parent we can be. We are none perfect.
I can't take hurt away my big girls feel. The girls and I were eating lunch today and Abby wanted so badly to tell me something about her other mom but she couldn't. She is forgetting. I can't help them remember things about their other mom if I wasn't there. By no means was their other mom a perfect parent from what I could see but she wasn't a bad mom either. She loved those girls. I will always believe that.
I know we have a very long road ahead of us with Jade because she was older when this all happen and she does remember things. But I just pray that in 10 years when she is old enough to make her own choices in life she remembers me.
I am so thankful I am here when they need me. And as any parent I can only be the best I can be.
2 comments:
hugs amy. You are right, we replay what we say in our head and wonder how we could have done it better not always realizing we are simply doing the best we can.
Amy they will remember you . remember i always tell you how sweet it is raising three lovly girls . on real side you been there from day one and you will be there forever . the ups and downs .. yes we will and can 2nd guess up but we do what we can at that minute and sometimes we learn from it, other it is the best .. hugs
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