One year ago on December 26 my hubby and I went to see a man at the Counseling Center located inside our hospital. We talked to him about The Dancer and Rose. They had at the time just started living with us full time. We were concerned that with all the changes and their mom leaving they would need someone to talk to other than us. I guess you could say a "Professional". Someone with a big degree hanging on the wall. The man we spoke to that day listened to us for about an hour. He told us he felt with the girls being so young that there was no need for them to see anyone. No need for them to speak their mind and feelings. They would live a happy life as long as my husband and I went on having a happy marriage and gave the girls lots of love. Ok loving those girls is not hard to do. Not at all.
So as the year went on things seemed to be ok at times. There were many nights that The Dancer would cry at bedtime because she missed her mom or more often that she missed her sister (half sister who is still with mom. She was about 8-9 months when they last saw her). As the months pasted the crying at night seemed to be less and less often. Things seemed ok. Still in the back of our minds we wondered if we were doing the right thing as far as them speaking to someone about what happen.
Well when we spoke to Rose's preschool at the begining of the year we mentioned what had happened briefly and that it had been awhile since she had seen her birth mom. The teacher thanked us for telling her. Then at conferences the teacher brought it up that Rose was talking about another mom. The teacher told hubby at conferences she didn't know what Rose was talking about (So much for making note of what we had told her when we met with her in the 1st place). Then we have conferences with The Dancer's teacher. It took us longer to walk down to the school then the actually meeting with the teacher (a story in itself). Dancer's teacher brought it up also that she was talking about another mom and that she could go see her when she was older. Teacher had no idea what Dancer was talking about even though at Open House I myself told the teacher the situation.
So we were back at square one trying to decide if the girls needed to talk to someone. A counselor, therapist, a professional of some kind. What do you call it? What do you tell a child when they are going to an appointment? So after many phone calls I finally found a place that would even talk to children as young as Rose and the Dancer. I made them an appointment. Hated the idea of it but felt they would go and we'd see what happens.
So last week at supper we told the girls that the next day they would go see Lady R. They would get some time with her to play and become friends. We told the girls when they are there they can talk about things they want to. If there is something they want to talk about that they don't want to share with us they can tell Lady R. We also told them if they wanted to talk about their other mom they could.
Well this is what we got-
Rose, "I don't wanna talk about her".
Dancer, "Oh so like if something is bothering us we can talk about that. That sounds ok".
So hubby happen to be the one to take them. He comes home all in a tiss that the place was dirty and smelly. He said Lady R did not give a very good first impression and it looked like she hadn't showered in over a week. His response to their first appointment was he don't think they need to go.
Awe how does a parent know in this situation what the right thing to do is? I am just irritated. Maybe I am the one who needs therapy or whatever we should call it because I am one pissed off person about this whole situation.
I am mad their birth mother did this to them.
I am mad their birth mother took their half sister and is not allowing them to grow with her and build a friendship with her.
I am mad I took out a loan to pay for adoption papers and lawyer fees that she has yet to sign and return. I don't get to give back my loan because she changed her mind.
I am mad that we got a letter in the mail 2 weeks ago stating that the birth mother legally still has custody of both girls.
I am mad that she could show up tomorrow and try and take them back.
I am just mad.
As far as our next step I don't know that either. I guess we pray for the best. We were told by the Guardian at Litem (lady who worked with us all in trying to determine the best place for the girls to live- before birth mom left) that her report would go into the courts and we would be granted full custody. If the birth mom came back she would need to get a lawyer and go through the court system for any rights. However that is not what the letter stated from the lawyer 2 weeks ago. This is all a mess. Until its figured out this was my therapy session! The girls have another one Feb. 4. I was told already by hubby that I am taking them so I can check the place out.
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