HOW TO BOOKS

The one thing they don't tell you when you have children is that you are on your own. There is no HOW TO book on what to do when certain things come up. There is no book to walk you thru each day. There are books to guide you during those infant years and books to guide you when your child is a toddler. But there is no book to give you ALL the answers. There just isn't. There are things in life that we just have to figure out on our own. We want the best for our children. No matter who they are, what they've done or what they've been thru. We were trusted with their care.

I have spent the last few days overly exhausted. I did what I thought sounded like a good idea. I took on a daycare child with hours that are rather early for my liking. So I am exhausted. However time does not stop for those of us who are tired. The clock keeps ticking and we need to tick right along with it. The laundry keeps piling up even if we are tired. Your almost 2 year old will wake up at 4:15 sometimes even if you are tired. Your infant might not ever sleep thru the night. Don't get me wrong I love who I am and I love being a mother. But sometimes even when we are so tired we need to think about situations before we say things. After we say it, it might be too late to think about it.

Jade has been invited to a birthday party Friday night. Its a sleepover at the waterpark. How fun for 2nd graders. However this makes me nervous. The child having the birthday has recently had to deal with the loss of her mother. No her mom did not pass away. She got up and left. She left her children. I don't know the whole story. Its not my business to know the whole story. What I do know is that grandma is in charge of this party. I also know that this girl has lied to her friends. She has told Jade and others that her mother went walking in a garden and got bit by a gardner snake and died.

We all have our way of dealing with loss. Whatever kind it might be. But to lie to your friends is not right. I know they are only in second grade but usually your friends can help you thru the tough times. They can sit with you at lunch when you are sad, they can make laugh when they tease you about a cute boy, they can give you a hug when you feel lonely.

I had a friend who lied in high school so bad that she started to forget her own lies!

Anyways, I really can not tollerate lying. Its just one of my things. It upsets me this girl lied to Jade. However I do understand she is going thru a rough time. So we decided to allow Jade to go to the party but we will pick her up at 9pm (she isn't spending the night mainly because both hubby and I work Saturday morning).

This morning Jade was talking about her friend. She started to tell me the whole gardner snake story, again. I tried to tell her that her friend's mom did not die. I tried to explain she just said that because she was upset. Of course though a 2nd grader belives their friends over their mom, right?

Then I did what I probably shouldn't have done. I was tired of arguing. I didn't think Jade should really think she died.

I said, "Jade her mom left her just like your mom left".

It just hit me a few hours ago what I really said to her. I don't think that was the right thing to say at the very moment. I could have said "Jade my underwear are pink". She would have laughed and said "Mamma". We would have went on with our day. There would have been no more aguring about what happen to who.

I have wondered for the last few hours if what I said hurt Jade more than she is probably already hurting. Does she think about her mom everyday? Did I make her think about her today when maybe she didn't want to. Did it maybe not bother her at all?

I have also spent the last few hours feeling like a terrible mother.

So to make up for what I said I think we'll hit Jade and Abby's favorite place tonight- Burger King! Will it make up for what I said, probably not but buying them a car is out of the question!